The surprising way I learned to spot authenticity in others and cultivate in myself
What my mother's comment about style taught me about people
🥳 Welcome to the A Better Jones newsletter — your home to live a more meaningful, purpose-driven, courageous life.
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In love and growth ❤️
Kasey
In this Week’s Issue:
Growth Insight: What a comment my mother made about style taught me about people and authenticity
Growth Framework: How do you develop your own authentic style?
An Experimental and Playful Approach to Brand: Also, a few questions…
Growth Insight — Style and Authenticity
My mother has style. I don’t always share it, but I do always respect and admire it.
It’s bold, distinct, and undeniably hers.
At 76 years old, she has spent 40+ years as a decorator and still volunteers her time to lead huge multi-million dollar design projects for the organizations and institutions she loves.
I was extremely fortunate to grow up in beautiful, intentionally curated spaces. But also to watch how she approached her work. She made daring choices in her style, never afraid of vivid colors, eye-catching patterns, or pieces that evoke visceral reactions.
But it took a long time before I saw this influence for what it was — something more than mere aesthetics — a life philosophy.
In my 20s, she made a passing comment about how to spot style (or its lack) in others that over time shaped my worldview about confidence, authenticity, and people in general.
Let me explain:
About 15 years ago, my boyfriend at the time, moved into a new house, taking on the role of the homeowner’s pet nanny (don’t ask).
His housemate and boss was a woman who worked in finance for the Ritz Carlton and was light years beyond us in terms of maturity and income.
She lived in a big, rather expensive house and filled it with expensive furniture. But inside it always felt — odd. It gave the impression that nothing quite fit, like a teenager wearing adult clothes a few sizes too big.
Around Christmas time, I stopped by and noticed a mix of traditional Christmas decorations and expensive-looking greyish-blue ornaments, sculptures on the mantle, and a skirt for the tree. It all felt disjointed and strange.
I commented to my mother that it looked like she’d gone to Pottery Barn and bought the display of all the grey decorations and then didn’t quite know what to do with them.
“Oh, that’s a sign of someone who either has no style or no confidence in it,” my mother responded.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Truly stylish people are eclectic. They borrow from various influences, often items, colors, or patterns that don’t necessarily match, but together have a cohesive feel, a through line that connects them.
“On the other hand people without style either fit too neatly into a single category — they buy the entire display from a store — or they are easily swayed by one influence and then another, but without a common thread tying it all together. It just feels like a disorganized mess.
“Look at you. You wear those black and white printed palm tree pants, those pink sneakers, and that leather cuff with the studs on it. None of those things go together, but somehow you make it work in a way that is thoroughly you.”
I instantly knew what she meant.
And for years, thought about her comment often when thinking about people’s aesthetics.
But later realized, it’s not just about the clothes you wear or how you decorate your home.
It’s a perfect perspective on people in general.
In my experience, the most authentic people (or perhaps the ones I love the most) are eclectic.
When you learn more about them, they become harder to put into a neat little box and yet easier to understand who they are to their core — what drives them, what lights them up, and why they do what they do.
On the other hand, I’ve known countless people who doggedly pursue one approach to life, but who never seem truly at ease with it. Like they’re wearing a costume or role-playing in their lives.
How do you develop your own authentic style?
Adopting an eclectic approach to life requires you to try new things so that you can find what you love and abandon the rest.
Create a Life of Continuous Learning
I have recently become a huge fan of the Founders podcast, where host, David Senra reads biographies of famous entrepreneurs, world leaders, and musicians — all people who built something world-changing — and shares his learnings with the rest of us.
I am regularly amazed by the fact that nearly every person covered on the show is obsessed with learning. And not only about their industry or discipline, but also about history, philosophy, science, and art.
Charlie Munger, Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway and Warren Buffet’s longtime 2nd lieutenant, uses learnings from engineering, science, and art in his famed aphorisms and guiding principles of business and investing.
Steve Jobs was famous for bringing unique perspectives to his technology. In his 3 semesters at Reed College (also my alma mater — No big deal), he took calligraphy and later said that experience influenced him to create the first Mac’s word processor with multiple fonts, a decision that impacted the design capabilities for computers for years to come.
“When I was attending the calligraphy classes at college, I could never imagine that skill or learning will have any practical application in my life. But 10 years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed all of my learning into the Mac. Had I never dropped in on that calligraphy course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or beautifully proportionate font styles.” — Steve Jobs
This constant pursuit of learning enables these founders to identify innovative ways to solve problems that their competitors miss completely.
In my own life and business, some of my cleverest, most effective ideas have come from wildly different areas of life. Even my popular Focus Formula (my guide to prioritization) comes from a process once employed by product managers to develop their product roadmaps.
The Point: Cast a wide net in your learning. You will be amazed by the gold you wind up catching.
Follow your Whims
When I first got divorced 6 years ago, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. After a lifetime of trying to please everyone else and 3 years of being married to a rather domineering man, I was wholly out of touch with my own wants and needs.
I knew I needed to learn not just to trust my own intuition, but to even sense it in the first place. I decided that I would lean into every whim I had. No matter how silly.
In that first year, I tried a LOT of new things.
I took all kinds of classes — knitting, crafting, and even introduction to carpentry.
I became an adventurous eater, trying every weird, quirky, and thoroughly Portlandia restaurant I could.
I even went to Cuba on a fringe diplomacy trip which ignited my passion for social impact entrepreneurs and facilitating startup workshops around the world. This trip also ultimately led to me starting my first business a year later.
I became more self-aware, experimental, and courageous in the pursuit of knowledge and experience.
The Point: Leaning into your whims will strengthen your intuition and build the confidence you need to take the risks that change your life.
Develop Range
Often surrounded by specialists, I spent years feeling insecure about my somewhat circuitous career path and the way it left me feeling behind in my career.
And then I read Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World by David Epstein.
In it, Epstein makes the case against specialization and for generalism — a broad competence in many professional fields — and how it enables us to live a fulfilling and productive life.
Using heaps of data, research, and stories, he shows that this approach to life and work allows someone to thrive in an unstable, uncertain world.
He’s not advocating being disorganized, disjointed, or distracted, but to follow your natural interests, as they will often lead you to the right path for you. While also building the expertise and experience necessary for innovation.
The Point: Building a broad foundation of knowledge, skills, and experience will serve as the launchpad for tremendous growth and opportunity.
Be Curious
We live in a magical, wondrous world. It seems a shame to deny it or develop a mindset that favors ignoring it.
Allowing yourself to be curious and to pursue those curiosities might be one of life’s most rewarding treasures and the source of its most fruitful opportunities.
When I think about everything good in my life — the relationships that shape my world, the projects that stimulate my brain, and the work that gives me purpose — each was born in a moment of curiosity. A what if? that I followed and showed me something (or someone) incredible on the other side.
The Point: Curiosity is the spark that lights the warmest, most delicious, and life-affirming fires in life. Do everything you can to find it, cultivate it, and let lead you.
In the end, what I love about myself and about the people in my life is that they do all of these things. They are hungry to learn, to adventure, to expand, and to give in to their curiosity.
The result is that each of them is beautifully complex, hard to put in a box, and stylish as hell…even if they’re not all the snappiest of dressers or impressive of decorators.
An Experimental and Playful Approach to Brand:
Next month, I’m teaming up with a friend and colleague to test an innovative and playful approach to defining YOUR brand.
If you are:
An entrepreneur or about to become one
Wanting some help to define YOUR brand — what makes you different, how you can build your online presence, deciding how to attract potential clients
We want to invite you to our beta workshop! Just click the button below :)
As always, thanks for reading. If you made it this far, can you give me a quick comment below?
In love and growth,
Kasey
Great issue! thank you for the information about Founders podcast. I will definitely start listening,